You Can't Even Go To The Fair

In Boonville, Indiana you can't even go to the local fair without a 13-year old accosting you and trying to get you to give your life to Jesus. I know there are a lot of freaky people at the fair, but I usually think of creepy guys trying to get you to spend $3 to pop a couple of balloons with darts so you can win a Hannah Montana or Poison mirror. Autumn Baldwin is a pastor's daughter (of course) from a group called TTT Christian Youth Ministries. She was originally going to go bug people in Cambodia, but she prayed about it and the lord told her to stay close by and bug local people at the fair instead. 

In the first five night of the fair, the group conducted 104 surveys, led 22 people to accept Christ and handed out 59 Bibles. That's a pretty good average actually. There must be a lot of weak minded folks hanging out at the fair. "I'd like a corn dog, some Australian battered potatoes, and...what? God loves me? I LOVE YOU JESUS!"

Now THAT'S Stimulating

According to a company that tracks this kind of stuff, the government tax stimulus checks are definitely stimulating one economy...the porn industry. The online adult industry says membership in online porn websites grew 20-30% in recent months and members who were dumb enough to answer marketing poll questions on a porn site said that their stimulus checks were a major reason they decided to renew or join. 

And by the way, who tracks the reason why people join porn websites? Is there more than one answer?

Jesus Takes The Pole Position

Hundreds of people in Alice, TX checked out what some say is an image of Jesus Christ - on a utility pole, located near 6th and Dickey Streets. Dickey Street. Hehehe. I feel like Beavis and Butthead all of a sudden. Okay, so a stain on a utility pole looks like Jesus? Again...why is it always Jesus? Why doesn't someone say, "Hey, did you see that utility pole? It's got the image of every dumbass dude in Texas sportin' a goatee and thinking they are hip!" It's every frat brother with a hangover. It's not Jesus. Jesus wouldn't stick his mug on a pole in Texas.

Snake Handling: Yeah, That's What The Bible Really Meant

Some weird fundamentalist churches down in good ol' Appalachia seem to think that you need to hold poisonous snakes as part of being a Christian. They have taken one verse (ONE VERSE) from the Bible that says true believers can take up serpents without being harmed and turned it into the main point of their beliefs. Then, of course, every once in a while someone gets bit by a copperhead and everyone just thinks, well, theys-a-goin'-ta-hell. They don't think, wow, what the fuck were we thinking? Licking rattlesnakes faces and screaming a bunch of nonsense in tongues. And what's that all about anyway? All that mumbo jumbo "speaking in tongues" crap.

But back to the story. The man arrested, Gregory Coots, is pastor of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name in Middlesboro, where a Tennessee woman died after being bitten by a rattlesnake during a service in 1995. Her husband died three years later when he was bitten by a snake in northeastern Alabama. I guess they just didn't believe hard enough or those rattlesnakes wouldn't have killed them dead.

Coots was charged Thursday with buying, selling and possessing illegal reptiles. More than 100 of them. Good thing they didn't send Indiana Jones to investigate this one. My favorite part of the story is what the arresting officer said: "You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense," Harrison said. "A venomous snake isn't a pet. You don't play with it. If you do, you're an idiot."

C28 and NOTW: Biggest Scam Ever?

Have you ever been driving around and noticed those "edgy, trying to be hip with the kids" stickers on cars and trucks that say NOTW? If you aren't familiar already, it stands for Not Of This World and it's a hard core religious group, that is, like all the rest, out for your money. Apostle C happened upon the C28 website and then onto the founder's blog. For a company that attempts to portray itself as "cool and edgy," it becomes apparent through reading the websites that they are nothing more than another big religious scam, intent on getting as much of your money as possible. They claim that they were selling tons of NOTW shirts at Anchor Blue and Journey's stores, yet both stores quit selling their products because of the religious nature of the message. They didn't want to offend their customers, AND RIGHTLY SO. How does NOTW interpret that? They claim that they are being PERSECUTED! Yes, of course. You are being persecuted because someone decides not to sell your PRODUCT.

So, what do they do? Open stores of course. And encourage people to come to your stores to pray. Because that's a smart business move. Come to our store to pray and maybe buy some t-shirts and other crap while you are here. The blog actually says, "Millions have been blessed by God's word on our NOTW shirts!" I'm guessing the "millions" he refers to is dollars. They claim that they have saved thousands of people in their stores. They recount how the managers of their stores have been able to save countless people that have come in. Can you imagine? You walk into a retail store and some guy who works there starts hounding you to be saved? Holy crap! Geez, they have 12 stores in Richmond alone! God sure has blessed them with success, hasn't he?

He also tells a story about being on an airplane and telling a lady the "good news" about Jesus and the "bad news" about sin and the devil. He told her that if the plane crashed right then (there's a comforting story for you!), would you go to heaven or hell? She says she has lead a good life and been a good person. He tells her that "good people go to hell as easily as bad people!" She gave her life to Jesus! Awesome! Then some people from the bank came to the office and, through God's will (or because he annoys literally EVERYONE he comes into contact with) he was able to tell them about the scriptures and two women were saved right there! And all because he decided to change banks! Those two women sure were lucky the old bank sucked.

I just can't relate to you how much this kind of thing makes me ill. Bloodsuckers preying (not praying) on the weak. Money grubbing slimeballs who suck the cash out of people using religion as their calling card.

If you haven't taken the time to watch the George Carlin video posted below, PLEASE do. He says what I've always thought so perfectly.

Heidi Montag Thinks She's Jesus

Normally I wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of Heidi Montag. But now she thinks she's like the Jesus (click the link above) and that's got to be extremely embarrassing for the Jesus. I've never really felt sorry for Christians before...this is new for me.

George Carlin: R.I.P.

A Belt, A Sword or a Glowing Book

Okay, so here's a scenario for you: A man is coming at you with a belt, a sword or a glowing book. You can't tell the difference for sure. You've got a gun. Do you shoot him? He's coming right at you!! BANG! Dead. Oh, it was a glowing book. Damn.
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"Workers at a marble company in Dallas say they have a slab of natural granite that has the image of Jesus in it. Verona Marble Company Inc. takes pictures of every slab of stone in their inventory and posts them on their website. Wednesday, the owners say a customer in West Texas spotted the image among dozens of pictures and called to tell them about it.

Those who look at the 6x10 foot slab say they can see the head and arms of Jesus, along with either a belt, sword or glowing book."

Granite is typically used for kitchen countertops, tubs surrounds, bathroom vanities, etc.

God vs. Satan

My friend Apostle JC sent this in. Whose team would you want to be on? 

I'm just sayin'. 

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Burn Baby Burn

Maybe, just maybe evolution will eventually eliminate idiots like this junior high school science teacher. School administrators in Ohio voted Friday to begin the process of firing a middle school teacher accused of burning a cross into a student's arm and refusing to keep his religious beliefs out of the classroom. John Freshwater, according to an independent report, used an electrostatic device to mark a cross on the arm of one of his students, causing pain to the student the night of the incident and leaving a mark that lasted for approximately three weeks.

Freshwater was also reprimanded several times for refusing to move his Bible from his classroom desk and teaching creationism alongside evolution, according to the 15-page independent report. The report also cites evidence that Mr. Freshwater told his students that "science is wrong because the Bible states that homosexuality is a sin and so anyone who is gay chooses to be gay and is therefore a sinner."

My question is, what the hell took so long? Why did it take having this guy burn a cross into the arm of a student for them to fire him? He was obviously an idiot for years, continuing to defy the school board over and over. Maybe these freaks could all be relegated to some island somewhere.